i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
did you just send me my own nude
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
