I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
