Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
