i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
