I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
