Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
