I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
