Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
