there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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