apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
