omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
