We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
