Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
