Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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