I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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