next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
