Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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