so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
