I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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