why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he quoted the bible to break up with me
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
