dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
