i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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