Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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