I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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