there's paper in my vomit.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
