I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
