I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
