So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
