Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
