just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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