SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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