I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
