all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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