Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
