if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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