Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I understand Curling. That high.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
