I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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