Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
This baby is an asshole
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
