Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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