I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
