the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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