Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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