I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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