I must be too annoying 4 u.
Duck Duck Cougar?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
