If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
No I am not eating basil off your cock
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
