I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
