What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
sick fucks of a feather flock together
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
