How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
