my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
