I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
