How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
